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mattbowyerEveryone is going to disappoint you.
Everyone is going to let you down.
This is not doomsaying. This is not nihilism. This is not pessimism. This is the way it is.
Everyone will let you down.
The man who makes the movies you love, the movies that let you see the things you've loved on the screen in front of you, larger than life? He doesn't put the women he wants to see in those movies, he puts the women he secretly wants to be with in those movies. That author you like, the one who wrote the stories that carried you through your childhood? He doesn't want to share a shelf with anyone whose skin is a different color than his own. That funny man you watch on your computer? He doesn't believe that all men were created equal, and in fact he thinks a particular group of people were made to be incredibly lesser than another group, and that other group is the one he belongs to. The man on your screen making those promises to you? He doesn't mean them. He wants you to give him what he wants, so he can have what he wants, and then he will go on thinking that you don't matter.
Everyone will let you down.
That company slapping rainbows on their windows? They want you to buy their things so the CEO gets a newer, nicer car than the one he bought last quarter. That company slapping flags on their windows? They want you to buy their things so the CEO gets a newer, nicer car than the one he bought last quarter. That man linking arms with you and kneeling? He just wants everyone to see him being what you consider a 'good man,' so he can go back to voting to take away your rights.
Everyone will let you down.
Any group that exists will disappoint you. Every organization that you think has something you can believe in will disappoint you. There will be a stance you can't abide, a belief you cannot reconcile, a feeling with which you cannot agree. Every time you think you find that new group, that new friend, that new life, that new love, that new you, something will break it. Something will shatter it.
Everyone will let you down.
You will be alone, and it will be better that way.
Everything you belong to will let you down.
Then tear it all down.
***
So yesterday I came up with my villain!
I have found that I write well when I put some element of myself into my characters. I mentioned before that the GM-controlled PCs in Final Fantasy Omega had parts of me in them, both good and bad -- Champ Justice has my emotional resilience and my impossibly high emotional walls, Aidan Denun has my quick wit and my crippling loneliness, and Mist Walker has my cheery optimism and my complete lack of confidence. The same can't be said for my villains, because I do not actually harbor the power of untold destruction, though I did have a villain who loved the sound of his own voice so much that he gave incredibly long professional-wrestling-esque monologues every time he was on stage, and I basically live my life like I'm contending for a mid-tier championship belt.
For this story called the Breakers, I've had protagonists ready at all times, but I never really figured out what my opposing force would be. I had this idea of a teacher turning on them, betraying them, but I didn't know why. And while my gaming villains can get by with cool music, impossibly complicated schemes, and let me again reiterate the coolness of their music, a literary villain needs a bit more. It needs to be believable.
Wrestling writer Brandon Stroud said that the best wrestling heels were the ones who said things that were technically right, but were so insufferable about it that you wanted someone to punch them in the face anyway. The second most popular video villain is the one that says "We're not so different, you and me!" as he tries to punch you into the earth's core -- Uncharted 4's lead villain, Rafe Antagonist (I don't remember his last name), was a great foil for series protagonist Nathan Drake because he was what Nate would have become had Nate not had the anchors of Sully and Elena; consumed by this constant lust for adventure, for bigger and bigger scores, for fame and renown. I don't at all believe I've read enough to say what the most popular literary villains are, but the key for me with those villains is making them believable and sympathetic -- not necessarily right, not necessarily redeemable, but someone that the reader can look at and go "Yeah, I can see exactly how you got the point that you got to, and that really sucks."
And then he unleashes his final form, therefore becoming the most popular type of video game villain, and then he turns red as he loses health, before ultimately exploding.
But yes! I feel good about villain motivation, and I don't actually wish for the heat death of the universe. Not today, at least.
***
The quickest wit I have ever displayed in a gaming session was when I had an NPC run down one of the GMPCs in a public speech, savaging him for political stances taken and lives ignored, and just as Kogel and Naoko were about to jump to his defense, the NPC said, "And I think it's really interesting how this great speaker has so many people around to speak for him!"
Both players immediately shut their mouths and seethed.
I don't think I've ever felt so clever.
***
I'm halfway through the Blades in the Dark RPG book, and it's making me feel things that I thought long dead. Namely, it's making me want to run something again, so very, very desperately.
When I say this next part it's not to build myself up, but when I read this, I see so many things done so well that I tried before. The idea of building up a crew of NPCs in the background that can help the players? I had that, with the SeeD agents, the airship crews, the web of networks all over the world. Downtime actions? I had little minigames set up for rebuilding an island, for sending agents out on Final Fantasy Tactics-esque dispatch missions, for that whole interactive-fiction thing I wrote. Clocks for tracking factions and other events? We had a spreadsheet and a calendar.
The difference between me and Blades in the Dark is that Blades is GOOD at it! I had convoluted and arcane executions, some of which worked and some of which didn't. Blades is simple and clean, like that Kingdom Hearts song. And like that Kingdom Hearts song, I want to remix it and twist into so many other beautiful but instantly recognizable things.
The clocks! The clocks. I love the clocks. Near the end of the Ordeal, I had Panic meters for every major city in the world, and made Kalil balance them all to try and keep the world from breaking apart with limited resources. I wanted to keep that going after, but couldn't figure it out. But make it clocks! Clocks that you can add to, that you can take from, that you can add and modify and remove. I want the clocks in every game. It's so simple, it's so subtle, it's so good. I want to make a clock that says Matt's Love for Blades in the Dark, make it a four segment clock, and then check it nineteen times.
***
There is certainly a line between cultural appreciation and Orientialism, meaning the othering and fetishizing of another culture (think of everything Middle Eastern being represented by camels and hookah, as opposed to the very real urban landscape that exists there), and I don't know where Legend of the Five Rings falls. I'm thinking of the RPG here specifically, because it's expected everyone will play as people of another culture very different from their own, and I don't know where that line is. It likely will never come up for me because I may never be an RPG player again, but I wonder how I'd feel playing in a game set there. I love reading the books, but it's more like I'm reading a history book vs. an RPG book.
I remain amazed that there isn't an official Android: Netrunner RPG campaign setting. Netrunner's been remarkably inclusive and forward-thinking (I have data packs from the India-focused set, which is great, and I'm very excited for what's been happening in near-future Africa and the second Beanstalk attempt), and I love the World of Android setting book they made.
***
Steamworld Dig 2 is a great comfort food video game. I've spent about an hour a day lately just digging, jumping, hookshotting, and exploring. It's lovely. Cannot recommend enough.
Everyone is going to let you down.
This is not doomsaying. This is not nihilism. This is not pessimism. This is the way it is.
Everyone will let you down.
The man who makes the movies you love, the movies that let you see the things you've loved on the screen in front of you, larger than life? He doesn't put the women he wants to see in those movies, he puts the women he secretly wants to be with in those movies. That author you like, the one who wrote the stories that carried you through your childhood? He doesn't want to share a shelf with anyone whose skin is a different color than his own. That funny man you watch on your computer? He doesn't believe that all men were created equal, and in fact he thinks a particular group of people were made to be incredibly lesser than another group, and that other group is the one he belongs to. The man on your screen making those promises to you? He doesn't mean them. He wants you to give him what he wants, so he can have what he wants, and then he will go on thinking that you don't matter.
Everyone will let you down.
That company slapping rainbows on their windows? They want you to buy their things so the CEO gets a newer, nicer car than the one he bought last quarter. That company slapping flags on their windows? They want you to buy their things so the CEO gets a newer, nicer car than the one he bought last quarter. That man linking arms with you and kneeling? He just wants everyone to see him being what you consider a 'good man,' so he can go back to voting to take away your rights.
Everyone will let you down.
Any group that exists will disappoint you. Every organization that you think has something you can believe in will disappoint you. There will be a stance you can't abide, a belief you cannot reconcile, a feeling with which you cannot agree. Every time you think you find that new group, that new friend, that new life, that new love, that new you, something will break it. Something will shatter it.
Everyone will let you down.
You will be alone, and it will be better that way.
Everything you belong to will let you down.
Then tear it all down.
***
So yesterday I came up with my villain!
I have found that I write well when I put some element of myself into my characters. I mentioned before that the GM-controlled PCs in Final Fantasy Omega had parts of me in them, both good and bad -- Champ Justice has my emotional resilience and my impossibly high emotional walls, Aidan Denun has my quick wit and my crippling loneliness, and Mist Walker has my cheery optimism and my complete lack of confidence. The same can't be said for my villains, because I do not actually harbor the power of untold destruction, though I did have a villain who loved the sound of his own voice so much that he gave incredibly long professional-wrestling-esque monologues every time he was on stage, and I basically live my life like I'm contending for a mid-tier championship belt.
For this story called the Breakers, I've had protagonists ready at all times, but I never really figured out what my opposing force would be. I had this idea of a teacher turning on them, betraying them, but I didn't know why. And while my gaming villains can get by with cool music, impossibly complicated schemes, and let me again reiterate the coolness of their music, a literary villain needs a bit more. It needs to be believable.
Wrestling writer Brandon Stroud said that the best wrestling heels were the ones who said things that were technically right, but were so insufferable about it that you wanted someone to punch them in the face anyway. The second most popular video villain is the one that says "We're not so different, you and me!" as he tries to punch you into the earth's core -- Uncharted 4's lead villain, Rafe Antagonist (I don't remember his last name), was a great foil for series protagonist Nathan Drake because he was what Nate would have become had Nate not had the anchors of Sully and Elena; consumed by this constant lust for adventure, for bigger and bigger scores, for fame and renown. I don't at all believe I've read enough to say what the most popular literary villains are, but the key for me with those villains is making them believable and sympathetic -- not necessarily right, not necessarily redeemable, but someone that the reader can look at and go "Yeah, I can see exactly how you got the point that you got to, and that really sucks."
And then he unleashes his final form, therefore becoming the most popular type of video game villain, and then he turns red as he loses health, before ultimately exploding.
But yes! I feel good about villain motivation, and I don't actually wish for the heat death of the universe. Not today, at least.
***
The quickest wit I have ever displayed in a gaming session was when I had an NPC run down one of the GMPCs in a public speech, savaging him for political stances taken and lives ignored, and just as Kogel and Naoko were about to jump to his defense, the NPC said, "And I think it's really interesting how this great speaker has so many people around to speak for him!"
Both players immediately shut their mouths and seethed.
I don't think I've ever felt so clever.
***
I'm halfway through the Blades in the Dark RPG book, and it's making me feel things that I thought long dead. Namely, it's making me want to run something again, so very, very desperately.
When I say this next part it's not to build myself up, but when I read this, I see so many things done so well that I tried before. The idea of building up a crew of NPCs in the background that can help the players? I had that, with the SeeD agents, the airship crews, the web of networks all over the world. Downtime actions? I had little minigames set up for rebuilding an island, for sending agents out on Final Fantasy Tactics-esque dispatch missions, for that whole interactive-fiction thing I wrote. Clocks for tracking factions and other events? We had a spreadsheet and a calendar.
The difference between me and Blades in the Dark is that Blades is GOOD at it! I had convoluted and arcane executions, some of which worked and some of which didn't. Blades is simple and clean, like that Kingdom Hearts song. And like that Kingdom Hearts song, I want to remix it and twist into so many other beautiful but instantly recognizable things.
The clocks! The clocks. I love the clocks. Near the end of the Ordeal, I had Panic meters for every major city in the world, and made Kalil balance them all to try and keep the world from breaking apart with limited resources. I wanted to keep that going after, but couldn't figure it out. But make it clocks! Clocks that you can add to, that you can take from, that you can add and modify and remove. I want the clocks in every game. It's so simple, it's so subtle, it's so good. I want to make a clock that says Matt's Love for Blades in the Dark, make it a four segment clock, and then check it nineteen times.
***
There is certainly a line between cultural appreciation and Orientialism, meaning the othering and fetishizing of another culture (think of everything Middle Eastern being represented by camels and hookah, as opposed to the very real urban landscape that exists there), and I don't know where Legend of the Five Rings falls. I'm thinking of the RPG here specifically, because it's expected everyone will play as people of another culture very different from their own, and I don't know where that line is. It likely will never come up for me because I may never be an RPG player again, but I wonder how I'd feel playing in a game set there. I love reading the books, but it's more like I'm reading a history book vs. an RPG book.
I remain amazed that there isn't an official Android: Netrunner RPG campaign setting. Netrunner's been remarkably inclusive and forward-thinking (I have data packs from the India-focused set, which is great, and I'm very excited for what's been happening in near-future Africa and the second Beanstalk attempt), and I love the World of Android setting book they made.
***
Steamworld Dig 2 is a great comfort food video game. I've spent about an hour a day lately just digging, jumping, hookshotting, and exploring. It's lovely. Cannot recommend enough.
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And I really admire the bit you did with that GMPC. Nice.
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